Temple Thoughts

One of my jobs as Compassionate Service Leader is to put together a brunch for new girls who move into the ward. I attended one when I was new, and I really appreciated getting to know other new people, but it was a little awkward because we were ALL new. Conversation didn't ever get past introductions. So, I decided that this time, the whole Relief Society was going to be invited, in the hopes that it would have a more party-like atmosphere. This quickly snowballed into a stressful situation for me, because the number of new girls seems to have doubled the size of our Relief Society in the past three weeks, and it was going to be right after church, which meant people would probably actually come. Which I wanted. For sure. It just meant I had to make a lot of food. I ended up making 6 (5 initially, with a backup thrown together during the party) dozen muffins, the Relief Society president brought about 2 dozen more, and we ate them all, including two fruit plates and two whole bags of tater tots. Considering the last time I threw a party was my 13th birthday slumber party where everyone fell asleep before midnight (worst party ever), I am surprised at how well it went. I have spent the rest of the day fairly brain dead in an attempt to recover, but it was good.
The reason I titled this post "Temple Thoughts," though, is because I'm going to the temple tomorrow and I want to take the opportunity to write a little bit about my temple thoughts. Especially since I made no record of anything this past summer, which seems really stupid because this past summer was a MAJOR turning point in many aspects of my life-festivals with Timpanogos, getting dumped, graduation, moving home, living with Mal, the discouragement of job applications and interviews, going through the temple, the archaeology lab (not a turning point, just interesting), getting a job, the epic cross-country adventure, Buddy dying, buying a car, moving into my house, becoming a teacher. Those few months were probably the most significant ones in my life so far, and yet I wrote nothing about it except a few letters to Diana.
Anyway, temple thoughts. I love the temple. I didn't really get why people said that before, because though I think baptisms are beautiful, the whole experience often just didn't feel very holy. Between the jumpsuits, locker rooms and wet hair (and at Provo, the feeling you were either in a factory or waiting in purgatory) I often left the temple feeling more stressed than when I entered. Before Diana left on her mission, I felt very strongly that I was to go through the temple, but my bishop said I was too young. This was frustrating, because I had prayed so fervently and felt very sure about my decision, and this felt very much like what I had experienced with deciding whether or not to serve a mission. I had a righteous desire, but some spiritual authority was opposing that desire. I was upset, but there was nothing I could do, so I gave up on the thought. Fast forward to this past summer, when my parents told me that the age restriction had been removed from the handbook. I thought this was nice, but at this point I had pushed the possibility of going through the temple in the near future to the back of my thoughts, but my parents pushed. And thank goodness they did. I had another fun run-in with a bishop (which I am not going to go into right now because I really intended this to be a happy story) which may have turned me of from the idea for the moment, but there was no time for that! We had plans to go through the Nauvoo temple in a few months, and my parents rightly saw that I was prepared, and had been prepared, for a while already. In the lead up to my endowment, people kept telling me "it's really weird," which I know they meant kindly as in "it's really weird, but wonderful and true and you shouldn't be turned off by how weird it is," but it was getting a bit excessive. I find ritual very powerful and beautiful, and once I confirmed that there would be no animal sacrifice or nakedness, I figured I would enjoy the ceremony very much. And I did. And do. Every time I go, I feel like my mind is touched and opened, and I reach some higher understanding. Somehow, everything about the gospel suddenly makes sense, and I feel I am treading at the edges of the mysteries of God. I love the temple because I truly feel transformed when I am there. I am working on preserving that feeling in my daily life, but my personal failures have not yet precluded me from experiencing that power and testimony when I attend the temple. I think the Psalmist puts it best: "Blessed is the man whom thou choosest, and causest to approach unto thee, that he may dwell in thy courts: we shall be satisfied with the goodness of thy house, even of thy holy temple" (Psalms 65:4)